1 00:00:02,121 --> 00:00:04,705 (Ilana) Ab, $12.99 is such a splurge for wine. 2 00:00:04,791 --> 00:00:05,656 You're spoiling me. 3 00:00:05,742 --> 00:00:07,158 (Abbi) don't, it's your birthday, dude. 4 00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:09,794 You deserve a bottle, not a box. 5 00:00:09,829 --> 00:00:11,212 I made a reservation and everything 6 00:00:11,297 --> 00:00:13,881 and I cannot wait for you to open up this b-day gift. 7 00:00:13,966 --> 00:00:15,499 Oh, I'm dying. It's so good. 8 00:00:15,551 --> 00:00:17,168 I don't know. 9 00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:19,920 23 is such a nothing birthday, though, you know, like... 10 00:00:20,006 --> 00:00:21,138 No. 11 00:00:21,174 --> 00:00:22,590 22, you graduate college. 12 00:00:22,675 --> 00:00:24,842 21, you're suddenly allowed to be an alcoholic. 13 00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:26,844 - 20, you lose your virginity. - Right. 14 00:00:26,929 --> 00:00:28,763 19's your last teen year. 15 00:00:28,848 --> 00:00:29,930 18, you get to vote. 16 00:00:30,016 --> 00:00:31,232 17, you get to drive. 17 00:00:31,317 --> 00:00:33,517 16's your sweet 16, 15's your quincea?era. 18 00:00:33,569 --> 00:00:34,852 - See? - I guess. 19 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,687 23 was pretty great for me, I mean, it's the year I met you. 20 00:00:36,773 --> 00:00:37,738 Really? 21 00:00:37,824 --> 00:00:38,939 (Both screaming) 22 00:00:39,025 --> 00:00:40,024 Oh, my god. 23 00:00:40,076 --> 00:00:41,776 Oh, my... 24 00:00:41,861 --> 00:00:43,611 - Tree man. - Oh, my damn god. 25 00:00:43,696 --> 00:00:44,745 Every time he gets me, every time. 26 00:00:44,831 --> 00:00:46,163 He needs a little bell. 27 00:00:46,199 --> 00:00:48,916 Or like, a personal triangle he's playing all the time. 28 00:00:49,001 --> 00:00:51,368 He could cause a heart attack. 29 00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:52,620 For real, though, this wine, 30 00:00:52,705 --> 00:00:54,705 this like, pricey, high-class wine 31 00:00:54,757 --> 00:00:57,174 is setting up your entire year. 32 00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:59,009 If we weren't going to this BYOB, I mean, 33 00:00:59,045 --> 00:01:00,211 this would be like, 30 bucks. 34 00:01:00,296 --> 00:01:02,513 I know, I love a "BYOB". 35 00:01:02,548 --> 00:01:03,848 I love a "BYOF"... bring your own food, 36 00:01:03,883 --> 00:01:05,800 or a "BYOS"... bring your own silverware. 37 00:01:05,885 --> 00:01:07,434 I'd wash the dishes if they'd let me. 38 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,854 This is the exact opposite reason why 39 00:01:09,889 --> 00:01:10,888 restaurants exist at all. 40 00:01:10,973 --> 00:01:11,889 I mean, why not just eat at home? 41 00:01:11,974 --> 00:01:13,357 I don't have a table. 42 00:01:13,392 --> 00:01:15,025 (Man) You girls are so pretty. 43 00:01:15,061 --> 00:01:16,894 You should smile. 44 00:01:21,317 --> 00:01:23,400 Four and three and two and one-one 45 00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:39,967 (Ilana) So, I've been spending all morning writing out my will. 46 00:01:40,052 --> 00:01:42,419 My dad said it's never too early, and I agree. 47 00:01:42,471 --> 00:01:44,755 Ilana, you're only 23, dude. 48 00:01:44,807 --> 00:01:45,923 Okay, you know what? 49 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:48,225 My people plan for death, Abbi. 50 00:01:48,261 --> 00:01:49,927 I'm Jewish too. 51 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,762 Okay, but you're a mainline Jew. 52 00:01:51,814 --> 00:01:54,098 New York Jews wake up every day 53 00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:56,433 just thinking about how they're going to die. 54 00:01:56,485 --> 00:01:59,904 (Scoffs) I think about death. 55 00:01:59,939 --> 00:02:02,740 (Man) Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 56 00:02:02,775 --> 00:02:03,824 Whoa, sex is right. 57 00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,159 Oh, my goodness. 58 00:02:05,244 --> 00:02:06,911 You wrote your will on a napkin? 59 00:02:06,946 --> 00:02:08,579 I made copies, obviously. 60 00:02:08,614 --> 00:02:11,115 Come on. 61 00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:13,500 I know, how have I never had... 62 00:02:13,586 --> 00:02:14,869 I know! How has it ever... 63 00:02:14,954 --> 00:02:16,754 it's always on the table. 64 00:02:16,789 --> 00:02:19,590 Hold up... you gave me power of attorney? 65 00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:22,793 I need you to be able to fight against my killer or whatever, 66 00:02:22,879 --> 00:02:24,511 and then option the rights. 67 00:02:24,597 --> 00:02:26,463 I also am looking into a few mutual funds 68 00:02:26,549 --> 00:02:28,098 and I'm having some, um... (Clearing throat) 69 00:02:28,134 --> 00:02:29,884 Valuables appraised. 70 00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:33,771 Are you (Bleep) talking about the beanie babies? 71 00:02:33,806 --> 00:02:34,972 Don't! 72 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:37,057 Stop, I can't even talk about this. 73 00:02:37,143 --> 00:02:38,809 - They're... - With the flamingo one? 74 00:02:38,861 --> 00:02:39,727 Dude, I can't even... 75 00:02:39,812 --> 00:02:41,312 there is still some value there, 76 00:02:41,397 --> 00:02:43,147 especially in the ones that like, commemorate events, okay? 77 00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:45,482 It's cyclical, the market is cyclical. 78 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,841 Maybe you... you don't know about the market. 79 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,376 But it's cyclical. 80 00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,544 You're getting into like, the eBay beanie baby game? 81 00:02:51,596 --> 00:02:53,680 Yeah, baby, it's a whole other math game. 82 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:54,965 I've got a math head. All right, listen. 83 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,017 Math mind. 84 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,051 I'm all for wills. 85 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,386 I think it's a good idea 86 00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:00,637 even though I think you're very young. 87 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,439 But people get crazy about material possessions 88 00:03:02,524 --> 00:03:06,526 and it's like, who even owns anything these days anyway? 89 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,777 Can you please spare a dollar? 90 00:03:07,863 --> 00:03:09,863 - Yeah. - I just wanna to get some food. 91 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:10,647 - Good luck. - Thank you. 92 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:11,731 Yeah. 93 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:12,782 - Appreciate it. - Bless. 94 00:03:12,868 --> 00:03:14,701 I hope it helps. 95 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,903 Oh, my god, we are... 96 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,571 Can I get a buck? 97 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,823 Oh, sorry. 98 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,325 But you just gave her a buck. 99 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,878 We can't give everyone on the block a dollar. 100 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,079 Well, actually, you could. 101 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,414 You just don't want to. 102 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,332 Actually, we couldn't, because we're going to the meat sack 103 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,750 and it's a cash-only restaurant. 104 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,303 Wow, that must be nice. 105 00:03:33,388 --> 00:03:35,338 Okay, we could bring you our leftovers, after. 106 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,173 I was gonna have them for lunch... 107 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,809 Oh, really? 'Cause that would be so generous of you. 108 00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:40,810 Oh, it's no problem. 109 00:03:40,896 --> 00:03:41,761 I'm glad we... 110 00:03:41,813 --> 00:03:42,929 Okay, he's being sarcastic. 111 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,264 Oh. 112 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,933 Michelle, party of two. 113 00:03:46,985 --> 00:03:48,818 Michelle, party of two. 114 00:03:48,904 --> 00:03:51,821 Three, two, one. 115 00:03:51,907 --> 00:03:53,773 Okay, you lose. 116 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,774 I have a reservation. 117 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,576 It's under, uh... 118 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,827 (Woman) You're my next two-top. 119 00:03:57,913 --> 00:03:59,829 Great. A'ight? 120 00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:01,614 Hope you're hungry. 121 00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:03,033 Get the stomach stretched. 122 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,084 I cannot wait. 123 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,586 I love me some dumplings. 124 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,838 It's like a squirrel clutch with a meatball in it. 125 00:04:08,924 --> 00:04:11,174 (Woman) Little Wayne, party of two. 126 00:04:11,259 --> 00:04:12,876 (Muffled screaming) 127 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,511 Oh, my god, Weezy's here. 128 00:04:14,596 --> 00:04:15,512 He is so real. 129 00:04:15,597 --> 00:04:18,048 No, that's us. 130 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,467 We... are Little Wayne. 131 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,971 Oh, you are sweeping me off my feet. 132 00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:30,110 Oh, yum. Oh, my god. 133 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,816 You can get as many dumplings as you want, okay? 134 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:39,202 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 135 00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:41,037 Oh, my god! Wow! 136 00:04:41,123 --> 00:04:42,155 Yo, girlfriends. 137 00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:44,074 Hey... long time, no freakin' see. 138 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,909 Look at you two! 139 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,494 Couple of Madonnas, huh? 140 00:04:47,546 --> 00:04:49,546 Oh, gosh, so fashion, baby. 141 00:04:49,631 --> 00:04:50,497 (Woman) I love that! 142 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,999 - How are you guys? - Yeah. 143 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,501 (Woman) When was the last time we saw you? 144 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,052 I think it was at our show... 145 00:04:56,138 --> 00:04:58,338 - Yeah. -... With Elliott. 146 00:04:58,390 --> 00:05:00,340 - It was our show choir show. - Yeah. 147 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,508 (Vocalizing) 148 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,093 (Vocalizing) 149 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,177 It was a long time ago. 150 00:05:04,229 --> 00:05:05,562 Can I ask you, do you live in New York 151 00:05:05,647 --> 00:05:07,847 or did you move, because you never respond 152 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,684 to any of my Facebook, uh, invites. 153 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,936 I get so confused on Facebook. 154 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,020 - Me too! - Like, how it works. 155 00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,940 What are all the numbers and the things? 156 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,525 - I know! - I don't know what they go with. 157 00:05:18,577 --> 00:05:21,027 - It's kind of change... - It changes fast, the interface. 158 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:23,113 - I'm afraid to click it. - Yes. 159 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,031 You know, I'm actually, I'm really kind of sad 160 00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:27,534 that you guys missed my last solo performance. 161 00:05:27,586 --> 00:05:29,169 Yeah. 162 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,538 We're so sorry that that happened. 163 00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:33,506 We don't even know you guys that well. 164 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,625 Honestly, Chris, I feel like you should give them some of it. 165 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,676 You should show them a little bit. 166 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,761 Give them a little piece, a taste. 167 00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:40,880 Oh, you don't have to do that. 168 00:05:40,932 --> 00:05:42,549 - You don't have to. - We're at dinner. 169 00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:44,801 I was born the day the Challenger exploded. 170 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:45,802 (Woman) Honey, no. 171 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:46,936 No, no, no. 172 00:05:47,022 --> 00:05:48,555 Do the ending, do the climax. 173 00:05:48,607 --> 00:05:50,390 Do "Dear Uncle". 174 00:05:50,442 --> 00:05:52,725 Um, please suspend your sense of disbelief, uh, 175 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,862 as the lighting here is not good and it's not a theater, 176 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,447 but all the world is a stage. 177 00:05:57,532 --> 00:05:58,898 Here we go. 178 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,485 No, Uncle, please, don't! 179 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,238 Okay, so he is on stage, he's fully naked, 180 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,207 and he's maximum erect. 181 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,293 Uncle, please, don't do it, Uncle! 182 00:06:10,378 --> 00:06:13,463 Okay, he's standing on a shredded American flag, 183 00:06:13,548 --> 00:06:14,664 little pieces. 184 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,250 Uncle, Uncle Sam! 185 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,469 - He ejaculates! - (Moaning) 186 00:06:19,554 --> 00:06:21,137 Into the flag. 187 00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:22,589 Yes. 188 00:06:22,641 --> 00:06:24,507 That's the twist. 189 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,925 - It's a bit of a statement. - Yeah. 190 00:06:25,977 --> 00:06:28,144 It's like, about currency and politics and government 191 00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:29,679 and all that. 192 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,264 Um, we can push your tables together 193 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,432 and then maybe you can talk a little bit quieter. 194 00:06:32,484 --> 00:06:33,516 (Whispering) No, please don't. 195 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:34,767 (Woman) Excuse me, Sir. 196 00:06:34,819 --> 00:06:35,852 That's a great idea! 197 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:36,769 - Yes! - Yes! 198 00:06:36,821 --> 00:06:37,737 - Here we go. - Here we go. 199 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,106 Beep, beep, beep. 200 00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:41,908 Honk-honk, honk-honk. 201 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,277 Beep, beep, beep. 202 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:45,945 Hi! 203 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,780 This is a good group. 204 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:51,501 Oh, my... holy (Bleep). 205 00:06:51,586 --> 00:06:52,585 What the heck? 206 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:53,670 What the (Bleep)? 207 00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:55,705 I'm such a klutz, we have to go. 208 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:59,125 Now we gotta go, is what... it is. 209 00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:00,877 We gotta... we have to go. 210 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,795 - Gotta go, we gotta go. - Oh, my god. 211 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,013 I can't be out. 212 00:07:04,099 --> 00:07:05,348 I can't be out like this. 213 00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:07,217 We have to go, that's... sorry, everybody. 214 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,685 I should go home right now. 215 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:10,186 This is never gonna come out! 216 00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:11,387 Let's go. Let's do it. 217 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,722 Here we go. 218 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:16,643 Wait, you can't leave with an open container. 219 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,528 Okay. Okay. 220 00:07:18,613 --> 00:07:19,812 We will not do that. 221 00:07:19,864 --> 00:07:22,782 You guys know wine is heart healthy, so... 222 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,534 - Mm-hmm, and... - Here we go. 223 00:07:24,619 --> 00:07:25,985 Just do that. 224 00:07:34,629 --> 00:07:35,545 Mmm! 225 00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:38,414 (Coughing) 226 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,084 Oh... oh, my god. 227 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:43,753 You have a good... 228 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:46,472 California, I can tell. 229 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,640 You have a good rest of your night. 230 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,841 Sayonara. 231 00:07:48,893 --> 00:07:51,511 Bye, you guys. See you guys. 232 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,763 I'm sorry, but they are too much. 233 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,098 Yeah. 234 00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:57,280 Party of five? 235 00:07:57,623 --> 00:07:58,589 Scott Wolf? 236 00:07:58,624 --> 00:08:00,090 (Man) Oh, hey, hey! 237 00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:01,625 Where are the leftovers? 238 00:08:01,677 --> 00:08:04,044 It was... honestly too annoying. 239 00:08:04,129 --> 00:08:05,095 We didn't even order. 240 00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:06,346 Wow, too annoying? 241 00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:07,547 Must be nice. 242 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:10,884 Must... be... nice. 243 00:08:15,474 --> 00:08:17,975 Must be nice! 244 00:08:18,027 --> 00:08:19,142 Jeez. 245 00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,727 I feel bad. 246 00:08:20,813 --> 00:08:23,864 You know, runaway teens have it so tough. 247 00:08:23,949 --> 00:08:27,451 He probably came out to his family, they kicked him out, 248 00:08:27,486 --> 00:08:29,319 so he hopped a boxcar from Oklahoma 249 00:08:29,371 --> 00:08:33,156 and now he's turning tricks on St. Mark's. 250 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:36,460 You know, child sex trafficking is all around us. 251 00:08:36,495 --> 00:08:38,879 (Gasping) Wigs! 252 00:08:38,964 --> 00:08:40,998 Ab, I gotta go get a wig, it's my birthday! 253 00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:42,332 All right, you go ahead. 254 00:08:42,418 --> 00:08:43,216 I'm going to this Thai place and see if there's a wait. 255 00:08:43,302 --> 00:08:44,668 Dope. 256 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,587 Everyone's like, "where's Christina, where's Christina?" 257 00:08:47,673 --> 00:08:49,840 I can't keep saying you're in the keys at your parents. 258 00:08:49,892 --> 00:08:52,009 What do you want me to say? 259 00:08:52,094 --> 00:08:54,144 "Oh, my girlfriend moved out seven weeks ago 260 00:08:54,179 --> 00:08:58,231 and I'm falling apart and my dick doesn't work anymore, so... " 261 00:08:58,317 --> 00:08:59,182 Dude. 262 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,851 Christina moved out? 263 00:09:03,355 --> 00:09:05,022 Oh. 264 00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:08,241 What happened with the wigs? 265 00:09:08,327 --> 00:09:09,743 I got distracted by this business guido. 266 00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:10,744 Oh... 267 00:09:10,829 --> 00:09:12,195 All right. 268 00:09:12,281 --> 00:09:13,280 I put our name in. 269 00:09:13,365 --> 00:09:14,865 - 45 minutes, we're in. - Whoo! 270 00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:17,034 (Man) Yeah! Ugh. 271 00:09:18,407 --> 00:09:21,024 I feel like every city has a parrot dude. 272 00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:23,110 You ever see the guy with the cat on his head? 273 00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,861 Yeah, wonder if it ever touches the ground. 274 00:09:24,947 --> 00:09:27,664 If it does, that would be disgusting. 275 00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,616 Imagine if those two guys met. 276 00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,918 I think the parrot would win. 277 00:09:31,954 --> 00:09:33,920 God, I have such a wig face. 278 00:09:33,956 --> 00:09:35,589 It's not even funny. 279 00:09:35,624 --> 00:09:37,457 This is the kind of wig you get buried in. 280 00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:38,708 Why would you want to get buried in a wig? 281 00:09:38,794 --> 00:09:40,260 It's the last time people get to see you. 282 00:09:40,295 --> 00:09:43,463 Yeah, exactly, I want to look dope as (Bleep) at my funeral. 283 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,766 It's my last party, you know? 284 00:09:45,801 --> 00:09:47,050 I even made a playlist already. 285 00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:51,138 It's pretty much RuPaul's "Supermodel" on repeat 286 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,607 and I need leather tissues. 287 00:09:53,642 --> 00:09:55,475 I also want everyone I've ever hooked up with 288 00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:57,978 to just jerk off together. 289 00:09:58,063 --> 00:09:59,362 That might bring me back to life. 290 00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:00,313 Seriously. 291 00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:02,365 Yo, you should be careful. 292 00:10:02,451 --> 00:10:04,317 I just want like, a really nice funeral. 293 00:10:04,369 --> 00:10:06,119 You know, like, like, on a hill. 294 00:10:06,155 --> 00:10:08,655 You know, like everyone would be really sad, 295 00:10:08,707 --> 00:10:10,123 like hill funerals usually are? 296 00:10:10,159 --> 00:10:11,241 Yeah. 297 00:10:11,326 --> 00:10:12,242 Everyone would be crying, 298 00:10:12,327 --> 00:10:15,879 maybe even hysterically, but then, then, 299 00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:18,548 everyone has to go to six flags, my treat. 300 00:10:18,634 --> 00:10:19,583 That is genius! 301 00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,251 You can't be upset at six flags, you can't. 302 00:10:21,336 --> 00:10:22,219 No, no. 303 00:10:22,304 --> 00:10:23,420 You can even "Weekend at Bernie's" me, 304 00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:25,589 but Ilana, no log flume, for real. 305 00:10:25,674 --> 00:10:27,507 How am I going to Bernie you if I'm already dead? 306 00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,510 No, I'm obviously dying first. 307 00:10:30,562 --> 00:10:33,346 No, the husband always dies first. 308 00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:34,431 First of all, we're not married. 309 00:10:34,516 --> 00:10:36,316 Second of all, I'm the wife? 310 00:10:36,351 --> 00:10:37,818 You're the other husband. 311 00:10:37,853 --> 00:10:39,820 All right, agree to disagree. 312 00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:42,439 A to D. 313 00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:44,858 Oh, my god. 314 00:10:44,943 --> 00:10:47,077 I am definitely getting this. 315 00:10:47,162 --> 00:10:49,696 I am a female and I love to inspect bodies. 316 00:10:49,781 --> 00:10:51,164 Yeah, I think that's what that stands for. 317 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,532 Me too. 318 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:55,252 I'm getting this because I look like I've been stabbed. 319 00:10:55,337 --> 00:10:57,954 I look like I'm mid-death. 320 00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,256 Challah back, y'all. 321 00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:00,590 Challah back, y'all. 322 00:11:00,676 --> 00:11:03,376 All right, I'll take this and we'll take these. 323 00:11:03,428 --> 00:11:05,545 Wigs are 10, shirts are a buck each. 324 00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:07,964 Here you go. 325 00:11:08,050 --> 00:11:09,516 Oh, I love St. Mark's. 326 00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,388 (Boy) I'm alone! 327 00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,774 Oh, so sad. Been there. 328 00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,392 All right, so we can eat as many dumplings as you want... 329 00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:20,477 - Thank you. - ... Whatever kind. 330 00:11:20,562 --> 00:11:21,862 Dude. 331 00:11:23,565 --> 00:11:25,398 Yo, yo, yo, that girl just did a tongue thing. 332 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:26,533 (Man) A tongue thing? 333 00:11:26,568 --> 00:11:28,318 Yeah! Hey, what'd you do? 334 00:11:28,403 --> 00:11:29,319 I don't know. 335 00:11:29,404 --> 00:11:31,238 Yeah, it was like... 336 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,405 No, it wasn't. 337 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,791 I just, I was just like, cute... 338 00:11:34,877 --> 00:11:38,328 You know, I'm not trying to start a whole conversation. 339 00:11:38,413 --> 00:11:44,834 You are seriously beautiful, like, really, really beautiful. 340 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,137 No, you are. 341 00:11:47,222 --> 00:11:48,171 (Man) Whoa! 342 00:11:48,257 --> 00:11:49,256 Holy (Bleep)! 343 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:52,175 Hey! Ilana, your gift! 344 00:11:52,261 --> 00:11:53,260 (Bleep) 345 00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,428 Stop him, he took our bag! 346 00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,065 Drop the bag, you (Bleep). 347 00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:00,934 When I catch you, I swear I'm going to rip out 348 00:12:01,019 --> 00:12:03,486 your disgusting little ball sack until you (Bleep) 349 00:12:03,572 --> 00:12:04,821 throw up your own dick! 350 00:12:04,907 --> 00:12:05,689 Damn it! 351 00:12:05,774 --> 00:12:07,774 Stop, we're the FBI, bitch! 352 00:12:07,859 --> 00:12:09,276 (Man) Hey, watch it! 353 00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,194 Stop that guy! 354 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,279 Watch out, watch out! 355 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,530 (Man) Hey, come on. 356 00:12:16,785 --> 00:12:17,584 Hey! 357 00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:19,119 (Horn honking) 358 00:12:24,459 --> 00:12:25,292 My wig! 359 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:26,960 Leave it, leave it! 360 00:12:27,629 --> 00:12:29,129 Market, market... go! 361 00:12:37,272 --> 00:12:40,890 Split up! 362 00:12:40,976 --> 00:12:42,309 Oh! 363 00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:43,643 Ass(Bleep). 364 00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:47,647 Go around, go around! Oh, (Bleep). 365 00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:55,739 Where is he? Oh, my god. 366 00:12:55,824 --> 00:12:57,457 He just (Bleep) ran down here, I... 367 00:12:57,492 --> 00:12:58,959 Go, there, there! 368 00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:36,946 Drop it, you (Bleep) face, I swear I'll rip... 369 00:13:37,032 --> 00:13:39,115 come on, (Bleep)hole! Ball sack! 370 00:13:42,371 --> 00:13:44,921 Jesus. 371 00:13:45,007 --> 00:13:46,873 (Bleep). 372 00:13:46,925 --> 00:13:49,509 All right, okay. 373 00:13:49,544 --> 00:13:50,593 Yep. 374 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:51,795 Hopefully no one will take that. 375 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,931 - Okay. - Oh, I have a lot in here. 376 00:13:55,017 --> 00:13:56,349 Okay? 377 00:13:56,385 --> 00:13:57,467 Okay. 378 00:13:59,354 --> 00:14:01,805 (Abbi) Dude, he's going into a house! 379 00:14:01,890 --> 00:14:03,723 - Come on! - All right. 380 00:14:03,775 --> 00:14:05,525 Okay, he's getting away. 381 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,727 Okay, here we go, I need just one... 382 00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:10,030 All right, you got it, and then I just straddled. 383 00:14:10,065 --> 00:14:12,198 - This is uncomfortable. - I know. 384 00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:14,117 I don't feel like I wanna... 385 00:14:14,202 --> 00:14:15,652 You know what? 386 00:14:15,737 --> 00:14:17,370 I'm gonna go back down through the kitchen, 387 00:14:17,406 --> 00:14:18,872 and I'm gonna be so fast, 388 00:14:18,907 --> 00:14:20,373 and it's gonna be so good, 389 00:14:20,409 --> 00:14:22,075 and we're gonna get the gift! 390 00:14:26,779 --> 00:14:28,362 (Doorbell chiming) 391 00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:32,733 Can I help you? 392 00:14:32,818 --> 00:14:33,951 A guy just ran in here. 393 00:14:34,036 --> 00:14:36,620 We were chasing him 'cause he stole my gift. 394 00:14:36,705 --> 00:14:37,988 He stole my bag. Call the police. 395 00:14:38,073 --> 00:14:38,989 He stole it right out of my hand. 396 00:14:39,074 --> 00:14:40,240 He's in here, he's in your house. 397 00:14:40,326 --> 00:14:42,459 Please, come in. 398 00:14:42,545 --> 00:14:44,545 Okay, uh... 399 00:14:46,715 --> 00:14:48,081 Timothy. 400 00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:50,551 Can you please come down here? 401 00:14:50,586 --> 00:14:52,219 Timothy. 402 00:14:52,254 --> 00:14:54,221 That boy lives here? 403 00:14:54,256 --> 00:14:56,890 Boy? He's 34 years old. 404 00:14:56,926 --> 00:14:58,675 I had him when I was very young. 405 00:14:58,761 --> 00:15:00,144 Timothy. 406 00:15:00,229 --> 00:15:02,429 Timothy! 407 00:15:02,481 --> 00:15:03,564 Jesus Christ. 408 00:15:03,599 --> 00:15:04,681 What, mother? 409 00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:06,233 Can you explain yourself? 410 00:15:06,268 --> 00:15:09,269 Did you just steal something from these girls? 411 00:15:09,321 --> 00:15:10,571 Yeah, it was a (Bleep) joke. 412 00:15:10,606 --> 00:15:11,655 Chill out. 413 00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:12,940 You chill out! 414 00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:14,191 Chill out! 415 00:15:14,276 --> 00:15:16,360 And get their stuff now. 416 00:15:16,445 --> 00:15:17,411 Ugh! 417 00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:19,413 Now! 418 00:15:19,448 --> 00:15:20,948 I'm sorry. 419 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,418 Please, don't press charges. 420 00:15:24,453 --> 00:15:25,953 No, it's gonna... it's all right. 421 00:15:26,005 --> 00:15:30,958 Ever since he dropped out of grad school, he's, uh, 422 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,510 he's given me a lot of grief. 423 00:15:33,596 --> 00:15:35,929 I don't know what to do... throw him out, put him on the street. 424 00:15:35,965 --> 00:15:38,432 He'd love that. 425 00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:39,633 I'm so rude. 426 00:15:39,718 --> 00:15:41,885 Uh, would you... 427 00:15:41,971 --> 00:15:43,804 Oh. 428 00:15:43,856 --> 00:15:45,806 Would you, uh, like a drink? 429 00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:47,808 No, no, no. It's fine. 430 00:15:51,864 --> 00:15:53,564 It's a soft gift, so it's okay. 431 00:15:53,649 --> 00:15:55,199 Timothy! 432 00:15:55,284 --> 00:15:56,483 What is wrong with you? 433 00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:58,619 I don't know, mom. Why don't you tell me? 434 00:15:58,654 --> 00:15:59,786 You're the psychiatrist. 435 00:15:59,822 --> 00:16:00,988 Or do I need to make an appointment? 436 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,456 Maybe you should. 437 00:16:02,491 --> 00:16:08,662 But you can't afford me because you don't work. 438 00:16:08,747 --> 00:16:10,581 You love this, don't you? 439 00:16:10,666 --> 00:16:12,666 You think I like this? 440 00:16:12,718 --> 00:16:14,167 My only son. 441 00:16:14,253 --> 00:16:17,137 Having to lie to my friends about 442 00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:18,972 what my son does with his life? 443 00:16:19,008 --> 00:16:21,842 He's a loser, loser, loser, 444 00:16:21,894 --> 00:16:26,647 loser, loser, loser, loser, loser life. 445 00:16:26,682 --> 00:16:27,681 Loser. 446 00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:29,182 Right, 'cause you have to lie about me 447 00:16:29,268 --> 00:16:31,818 but not about anything in your perfect little life. 448 00:16:31,854 --> 00:16:33,570 Not about the wine, the painkillers, 449 00:16:33,656 --> 00:16:34,571 my father. 450 00:16:34,657 --> 00:16:36,857 Do I look like the son of a quarterback? 451 00:16:36,942 --> 00:16:38,742 I will... 452 00:16:38,827 --> 00:16:41,528 I never asked to be born! 453 00:16:48,871 --> 00:16:50,621 Let me tell you something. 454 00:16:50,706 --> 00:16:53,840 I'm a very good mother, it's just sometimes... 455 00:16:53,876 --> 00:16:56,793 You get a dud! 456 00:16:56,879 --> 00:17:00,380 A (Bleep) dud! 457 00:17:00,466 --> 00:17:03,550 (Abbi) I'm just going to grab... 458 00:17:03,636 --> 00:17:07,054 I'm sorry your son sucks so hard. 459 00:17:09,108 --> 00:17:13,193 Thank you, thank you. 460 00:17:13,228 --> 00:17:15,395 Thank you. 461 00:17:15,481 --> 00:17:16,863 Thank you. 462 00:17:18,984 --> 00:17:21,818 We're good, we're good, thanks so much. 463 00:17:21,904 --> 00:17:23,070 Thank you so much. 464 00:17:23,155 --> 00:17:24,705 - Have a great night. - Appreciate it. 465 00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:27,574 You look beautiful, and come back and see me. 466 00:17:27,626 --> 00:17:29,793 - Will you come back and see me? - Yes. 467 00:17:29,878 --> 00:17:31,244 Okay. 468 00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:36,416 Whoo. 469 00:17:36,468 --> 00:17:37,501 Jesus. 470 00:17:37,586 --> 00:17:39,419 I wonder if they own or rent. 471 00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:41,555 Dude, I need to do more cardio. 472 00:17:41,590 --> 00:17:43,006 I'm like, sore already. 473 00:17:43,092 --> 00:17:44,308 Jeez, you know... 474 00:17:44,393 --> 00:17:46,643 Oh, my god! 475 00:17:46,729 --> 00:17:48,595 - Tree man. - My wig! 476 00:17:48,647 --> 00:17:49,980 Oh, my god. 477 00:17:50,065 --> 00:17:51,431 Thank you, tree man. 478 00:17:51,517 --> 00:17:52,983 Thank you so much. 479 00:17:53,068 --> 00:17:54,434 This is nice. 480 00:17:54,486 --> 00:17:56,353 You're like the giving tree in real life. 481 00:17:56,438 --> 00:17:57,771 (Horn honking) 482 00:17:57,856 --> 00:17:59,156 All right! Okay. 483 00:17:59,241 --> 00:18:00,407 Hey, hey. 484 00:18:00,442 --> 00:18:03,076 You (Bleep) piece of (Bleep). 485 00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:04,661 I will (Bleep) car. 486 00:18:04,747 --> 00:18:06,029 I will (Bleep). 487 00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:08,532 I'm a tree, (Bleep) damn it. 488 00:18:08,617 --> 00:18:10,701 I was here first, car. 489 00:18:10,786 --> 00:18:12,419 I was here first! 490 00:18:12,454 --> 00:18:15,122 - Thanks for the wig. - Thanks so much. 491 00:18:15,174 --> 00:18:16,873 Have a good night. 492 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,233 This is the best gift ever! 493 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,436 This is the most powerful and beautiful blanket 494 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,772 since the AIDS quilt. 495 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:28,973 Good. 496 00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:31,225 I love pizza, dude. 497 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:32,276 Me too. 498 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,229 It's a squirrel sleeping bag, unzipped. 499 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:36,280 Yes, it is. 500 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:37,565 All right, listen. 501 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,034 So, my family has a tradition on birthdays 502 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,237 where we ask the b-day-ee a couple questions. 503 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,488 Are you ready? 504 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,907 Ilana, 23-year-old. 505 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:50,244 What have you done this past year that you're proud of? 506 00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:53,164 And what are you gonna do this upcoming year? 507 00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:54,048 Go. 508 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,833 Okay, well... 509 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,919 I am proud of the time I saw something and said something. 510 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,888 Yeah. 511 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,175 I'm proud that I finally felt a prostate. 512 00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:05,843 It's tricky. 513 00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:08,512 Um... I'm proud that I used a lemon 514 00:19:08,598 --> 00:19:10,931 successfully as antiperspirant. 515 00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:11,816 (Sniffing) 516 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,184 Whoo, yes I did, yes I did. 517 00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:14,351 Mm-hmm, yeah. 518 00:19:14,437 --> 00:19:18,773 And next year, I want to finish a book... 519 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,024 - reading, not writing. - Mm-hmm. 520 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:24,695 I want to gradually lower my dosage of antidepressants. 521 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,781 And I want to join ancestry.com. 522 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:27,932 Oh, I'm in. 523 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,083 - Dude. - Let's do it. 524 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,167 Okay, how about you? 525 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,418 Well, it's not my birthday. 526 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,870 Come on, it's... I wanna hear it. 527 00:19:32,955 --> 00:19:34,088 Okay. So, this past year, 528 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:37,675 I'm proud that I finally finished "Damages," so good. 529 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,510 I really think you need to reconsider TV. 530 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,846 - Nah. - Um, what else? 531 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,214 I pegged. 532 00:19:43,299 --> 00:19:44,799 Like... ow! 533 00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,717 Really outside of my comfort level. 534 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,636 You know. Okay. 535 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,387 I finally masturbated above the covers 536 00:19:50,473 --> 00:19:52,439 without my eyes being closed. 537 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,859 That was a really big journal entry. 538 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,894 Um... when I figured out my eyebrows. 539 00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,029 They're sisters, they're not twins. 540 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,114 - Right. - Need to be treated as such. 541 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,150 Overwhelming pride. 542 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:07,238 Okay, um, what about next year? 543 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,906 All right. 544 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,490 I'm going to do one legit pull-up, 545 00:20:10,526 --> 00:20:11,693 for real this time. 546 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,278 And I really want to keep a plant alive 547 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,013 for more than two weeks. 548 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,581 You know, I'm going to do that. 549 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,016 Ooh, I forgot one. 550 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,651 I want to see a mangina from behind. 551 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,319 I haven't in years. 552 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,086 What? 553 00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:25,255 A mangina is when a guy pulls his dick through his legs, 554 00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,324 it looks like a vagina. 555 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,625 I know, I know what a mangina is. 556 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:28,592 What do you mean from behind? 557 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:29,960 Oh. Oh, I don't know. 558 00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:32,229 It's just, dick head and balls squishing back there. 559 00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,498 It's so cute! 560 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,066 Okay, I have another one. 561 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:37,968 I want to get one of those really painful massages 562 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,437 where there's like, an old Russian woman who like, 563 00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:44,207 slaps huge leaves at you while you're like, completely naked. 564 00:20:44,274 --> 00:20:48,077 I just feel like I need to feel more of life's pain. 565 00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:49,278 I hate pain. 566 00:20:49,347 --> 00:20:51,080 I love pleasure. 567 00:20:51,081 --> 00:20:56,838 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 568 00:20:56,888 --> 00:21:01,438 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0